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Sunday, March 31, 2024

Living with an eating disorder as a patient and a nurse

                                                                         Natalie Rizqallah, BSN, RN, CMSRN

Natalie Rizqallah wrote, "Having an eating disorder was further complicated by my self-perceived moral responsibility as a nurse. I felt like an imposter as a nurse, educating about healthy habits, asking for help, and mental and physical health, and battling first anorexia, then bulimia in private. Over the years, I have been on multiple diets because of my desire to look like the images I was seeing on TV and on social media. Despite knowing these images were digitally altered and literally unattainable, I still felt cultural pressure to be thin and was convinced of this need by deceptive messaging and advertising. I somehow felt less than or not enough when I could not conform to the strict rules of each diet I tried which just worsened my self esteem and self image and I would start the cycle over and look for a new diet."

"Every part of my life had been infiltrated by the eating disorder. It has only been recently after I’ve started working with a dietitian that I truly understood how skilled I was (and sometimes still am) at manipulating myself. I justified and rationalized all of the reasons I couldn’t have certain meals or eat specific amounts of food. Which is why I found myself literally crying when the dietitian asked me to eat something. I cried. I found myself constantly asking her how I could know what was right and healthy for my patients but struggled so much to do the same for myself."

"Recovery is expensive. I don’t take for granted that I can afford to see a dietitian, therapist, psychiatrist, and primary care physician. But the alternative is the costs of continuously tearing your body apart and ending up in the physician’s office and the therapist seeking repair. Eating disorders can impact and invade every relationship in your life, your family, and your job if you let them. They steal your energy, sleep, and rob you of joy and living a fulfilling life. Recovery should not be a luxury or privilege, but I am grateful for the chance. The hardest part of recovery is trusting the healthy voice and the “experts” and simultaneously ignoring the disordered voice in your head that has been telling you all the reasons it was right for so many years. My recovery has reminded me what a gift it is to work as a nurse and help those who are seeking help and trusting us to help them. I am proud to be a nurse AND recovering from an eating disorder." 

Learn more at:

https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/nurse-and-patient-living-eating-disorder/?fbclid=IwAR0McetImSYeYgquHYD6NEupa5LM8eV2Yc0VceK_kYB2uqk1mfMdQozhz34_aem_AW4RNdl7Usb8mJRkGJ1qWLgKPCNkcZa6Hl0eu_nD_pDa7cbhvQpeHAP23xbEFpP-hXT5KSMThNisPOHf51Igare0

https://youtu.be/mNoImbf1Kjc

Cheers!

Donna

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